Let Go (Reverb 10, Day 5)

Today’s prompt: What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

The incessant question in every overworked person’s mind is “What can I leave behind?”

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I’ve tried to leave some things behind this year, to let some responsibilities go so as to salvage a little of my own sanity. I’m not sure I’ve been very successful. I’m not sure I have let anything go. I have abandoned projects midstream, and I have left people waiting for responses from me, but “let go” isn’t the term for this, not in any positive sense of the term. What I’ve done is struggle.

What I’d like to let go is my own idea that I have to be all things to all people.

What I’d like to let go is a big chunk of my overload work.

What I’d like to let go is my own frustration at not being able to tie all of the threads together.

It wouldn’t hurt if I let go of a few more pounds along the way.

I haven’t been successful at any of this. I’ve been anxiety-ridden. I’ve hit my own limits, and I feel there’s nothing I can do. The economy is bad. I have no choice but to take what work I can get even if it is too much. I could, of course, make life easier on myself by not blogging, not taking on projects, and not getting involved with groups and people and expectations. I could become the kind of person who just goes home and watches America’s Got Talent at the end of the day.

That isn’t me, though. It isn’t who I want to be. Thus, we’ve hit the conundrum faced by addicts everywhere. The one thing that could lighten my load is the one thing I don’t want to give up. In this case, it’s my own mental drive. Even when it exhausts itself, abuses itself, and drives itself to the point of despair, I have to have it to cope. Maybe my mental drive is nothing more than a hamster running on a wheel, but it is mine, and I will spin it and spin it until it kills me if I want to.

I can possibly channel my addiction to mental stimulation in healthier ways, however. I can learn macrobiotics and yoga. I can set more realistic goals. I can teach myself not to make promises I can’t keep. I can ease up on if not let go of my inner urge to prove myself.

At least it is pretty to think so this morning.

Yesterday, my friend said I needed more turtle in my post. Here we go.

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I’m probably not ever going to be the turtle who lines up in a row with everyone else, but even the turtle who picks his own path knows to take it slow. I’ll get there when I get there, and so will you, my friend. Until then, it’s turtles all the way down.

1 thought on “Let Go (Reverb 10, Day 5)”

  • Hmm. I tried to respond to this earlier, but it never showed up. I’ll try again.

    I wanted to say that I think maybe the philosophy behind “Let go” approaches what I meant by “It will all work out.” Of course I, or anyone, has to work to help make whatever it is work out, but I believe there is a positive force that strives for balance, and sometimes we have to just not “sweat the small stuff,” as the saying goes. Maybe. Or at least life seems to work out that way for me. Too Pollyanna-ish? Possibly. Helps me get through, anyway, without overly obsessing most of the time….

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