CAKE. Happiness is cake. Happiness is the pursuit of cake. When TJ said “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,” he undoubtedly meant cake.
This is a philosophy I have adopted this afternoon after a moment of reflection and a few minutes of reading this blog post by my new favorite blogger at Hyperbole and a Half, whoever the heck she is.
I have been on a diet for 88 days. I have not had cake during that time unless that one strawberry cupcake a couple of weeks ago counts. I’m not sure it does. It had real strawberries in it. I believe that moved it from the cake group to the fruit group.
I am feeling down and out. My back hurts. My head hurts. I am depressed and in every way outdone with the world. I have attempted to fix this with sleep and exercise and salad and deep reflections on right and wrong. Nothing works. That’s because I have not yet tried to fix myself with cake.
I have been in a world without cake for 88 days, but I have a birthday in 21 days. I have 3 weeks left to make a very big decision.
These are the top five cakes of all time, at least in my estimation. In a normal year, picking among them is nearly impossible. This year I am positively catatonic at the prospect.
After much deep reflection, since I started writing this about two or three minutes ago, I’ve come to the conclusion that there is only one right: pre-Birthday tastings.
21 days. 5 cakes. Only one can be The Birthday Cake.
This is going to be harsh.